Remedy For Dealing With A Bad Day
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to
take it out on someone! Well, don't take that bad day out on someone you
know - take it out on someone you DON'T know !!!
Now get this.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found the number and dialled it.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me!
I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's
correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits
incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still
lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person
once more answered, I yelled "You're a tosser !" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "tosser," and put it in my desk
drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really
bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a tosser !!"
It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real
disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the tosser. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi! This is the sales office of the telephone company
and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said,
"That's because you're a tosser!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.
You just dial 823-4863 !!
Also, When I was at the shopping centre, an old lady really took her time
pulling out of the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.
Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of
the slot.
I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great,
I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black BMW come flying
up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward
the shopping centre as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself,
this guy's a tosser, there sure a lot of tossers in this world.
I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down
the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later,
I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling
823-4863 and yelling, "You're tosser!" (it's really easy to call him now since
I have his number on speed dial). I noticed the phone number of the guy with
the black BMW lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said,
"Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"I'm Don Hansen."
When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don - you're a tosser!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialler. For a
while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem,
I had two tossers to call.
Then, after several months of calling the tossers and hanging up on them,
it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution : First, I
had my phone dial tosser #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled
"You're a tosser!", but I didn't hang up.
The tosser said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house
and my black BMW's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, tosser!" and I hung up.
Then I called tosser #2.
I said, "Hello, tosser!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" "I'll kick your arse."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, tosser!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at
1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as
I got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W.34th Street.
After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the
whole thing.
Oh, GLORIOUS!
Watching two tossers kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad
cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
(Name withheld to protect the guilty)
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