Grin for the day

This is my favourite pastime for meetings.




I was at a meeting in Bermuda when the Head of Retail Banking said, "Let's take a helicopter view to make sure we are looking at the same page". I got up and said, "In that case I'd better get my binoculars". He wasn't amused.

That's almost my whole pitch! lol

Seriously I can tick over 63.5% of these off. My Director however, must have this on his bedroom wall!

This made me chuckle last nite

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

Dave cc wrote: This made me chuckle last nite

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

LMFAO :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ha, ha. Excellent Dave. :lol:

Sorry, me again. Just remembered one of my favourite legal jokes.

So, the judge says to the punk in the dock, "You have been found guilty of Grievous Bodily Harm and committing an affray. Before I pass sentence is there anything you wish to say to the court?".

The punk responds, "F**k all".

The judge leans over to the clerk and says, "What did he say?".

The clerk looks up and replies "He said 'F**k all' your Honour".

Judge, "Don't be a c**t, I saw his f**king lips move!".