light relief

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, "Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."


I was at a restaurant with my girlfriend yesterday.
As I was about to eat my steak as she asked "enjoying your meat, murderer?"
I just wish we could go one day without her mentioning the fact I killed her mum

Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three time longer.
They should make condoms.

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he's happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally